My Life in Lists

Well my little blog holiday is over. I mean really, how could I stay away from you guys any longer? Mwah - I missed you all dahlings.

So what have I been doing with my time? Well compiling the usual Christmas present list, writing my Christmas to-do lists (and sometimes actually doing them), watching too many top 10 Christmas Anthems, running through my best moments of 2010 - see a theme here anyone? Yep - my name is Kate and I'm a list addict.

Now we all know some lists are more interesting than others. When I was a teenager is was all Top 5 Boys I'd like to kiss, then it moved onto Top 5 Universities I'd like to go to, Top 5 Countries I want to visit, Top 5 jobs I'd like to have, Top 5 baby names...Now it's likely to be a list of things I'll buy when I win the lottery, or which movie star I'm going to elope with (Johnny Depp since you ask). Well there's nothing wrong with a bit of escapism is there?

So here's the deal. I am going to embrace my chronic listism and post a weekly invitation to all of you to take part. In homage to the wonderful (but time sapping) Listography.com and in keeping with my blog name - I would like to introduce you to (drum roll please) Kate Takes 5's Weekly Top 5 Listography.

Look! I even made my own button! (Feel free to take it for your own blog - the code's in the side bar over there ----------------->)

Every week I'll post a topic and all you need to do is jump aboard and write your own Top 5 list on that subject on your own blog, then just add your blog on the linky below, and if you have time visit some of the other lovely entries. You might be surprised by what you find. You can tell a lot from a list you know - take it from an addict that knows.

So first up on my very first Listography is -

My Top 5 Good Things About Having Kids (because sometimes it's easy to forget):

1. You get to experience the magic of Christmas all over again.
2. For about 5 straight years you are considered a superhero that can do no wrong.
3. You can watch them sleeping.
4. You get to give and receive unconditional love.
5. You can blame them for the state of your house, the state of yourself, the state of your relationship, the state of your finances, and anything else you care to add.

So that's it. Now get listing.

Not-So-Common Christmas Carols

This week I was lucky enough to be shortlisted in the BMB Brilliance in Blogging Awards in 'Best Fresh Voice' - which is a category for new bloggers. On hearing the news I was obviously thrilled, but that quickly turned to terror when I realised I would have to post something worthy of the nomination - otherwise it's a bit like getting caught with your trousers down (or as my fellow nominee over at Alexander Residence noted 'it's like being in an accident without matching underwear'. Ha ha ha I laughed - as if any of us have matching underwear!)
So I thought about what I would post - A Dear Santa Letter?, The Annual Marital Argument whilst decorating the Christmas Tree, The Joys of Blogging...To be honest I was getting my non-matching knickers in a bit of a twist so I decided to throw caution to the wind and act like I'm funny with:

My Christmas List of Alternative Carols 

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Just don't get too pissed in front of the in-laws.

The Weather Outside is Frightful - I just slipped on my ass in front of the neighbours.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer - Was an alcoholic.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Lock up your daughters.

I Saw Three Ships - Then I realised it was just one and I'd drunk too much.

The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot - Was actually on the naughty list.

Angels We Have Heard On High - Where'd ye get that weed?

The First Noel - Was Edmonds, then came Gallagher.

We Three Kings Of Orient Are - Lost. How did we end up in this dump?

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Sleep it off on the sofa you drunken fools.

Santa Clause Got Stuck In My Chimney - Fat Bastard


Oh dear - I think I may have blown it....

(Oh and thanks for all your lovely votes - you really are very good looking you know). x

When Nativity Plays Go Bad.

Last year my little girl was in her first ever nativity play. Well, I say play, but actually is was just thirty 5 year olds dressed as animals and singing a grand total of three songs. But anyway, it was Christmas, it was in a church, there were fairy lights - so in my mind it just about qualifies.
Things didn't go completely according to plan though. My little sheep was in the back row and got pushed out by her best friend (duck) and a cross between a chicken and a cow. (What his mother was thinking I have no idea). So as I sat in the middle of the audience with a feeling of complete helplessness and watched my first born trying to poke her head through the farmyard animals' shoulders whilst singing with all the over expression of a performing arts graduate, I felt for the first time like one of those over protective mothers in the local play park that I frequently curl my lip at as they pass.
Oh you know the ones, don't try pretending you don't. She's the mum who carefully patrols the 2 metre perimeter of the popular baby swings watching for the moment when one of the other kids asks to be lifted out. Then you see her pass in a blur as she sprints over, scoops up her little darling and hot foots it back to the newly available swing. And woe betide anyone who tries to get in her way. She is like a sniper with her eyes on the prize. A single vision dedication to the cause. She will get her baby onto that swing before anyone else. Because her child is the most important child of all.
Anyway I digress.
After last years Nativity-gate I was looking forward to a more professional production this year. Maybe she'd even get to play Mary? Well why not? Someone has to. So on Monday she nonchalantly told us that she was going to be the narrator in this years play. The narrator?? Are you kidding?? I shot Disapproving Dad a quick look before we both launched into the usual blurb of how important the narrator was and wasn't she lucky to be picked for that etc.
'Yeah' she says 'Daisy is the Queen'.
'Is she darling, well that's nice'.
'That's the main part of this play'.
'Mmm is it, well your part is really important too'.
'And last year she was Mary'.
'Was she now'.
'And she's got much more lines that me'.
'Yes well, she probably gets beheaded at the end you know'.
'And she gets to dress up'.
'Well I shouldn't worry about that darling - all those jewels and crowns are bound to be very uncomfortable'.
'I don't want to be the stupid narrator'.
'OF COURSE YOU DON'T!!  It's the mugs part - it sucks - it's like being on the outside of a fabulous game that everyone else is playing except you. Did I just say that out loud?'.

Anyway, today she came home and told me she gets to be a fairy too. So I guess I can put down that rifle now.

A letter to my online love

I just stumbled on 3bedroombungalows Dear So and So linky and had to jump onboard with a letter to my poor neglected Online Love.

Dear B,
I know I said that I would never let anything come between us, that I would love you and take care of you, nurture you and have fun with you. I told you nothing would ever come between us. I meant it. Really I did. But then someone else came along and offered me something that you haven't yet. I'm not proud to admit it, but yes, it was indeed money. Of course I know it's shallow of me, and possibly shortsighted, but you should see the gifts he gives me! First there was the gorgeous jewellery, then the leather purses, and the clothes...
And I must say he is unbelievably good with the kids - you really wouldn't believe all the presents he's sent for them.
I have missed you though. And I just wanted to let you know that I will be back to give you my full attention before long. You see the money has nearly run out so me and Mr. eBay will be taking a break from each other very, very soon. And then I will be with you again dear Blog, and I promise to be attentive, witty, and completely dedicated to you (well, until the next great offer comes along anyway).

Love and Comments,
Kate.

Kate would like to thank eBay for the amazing opportunity of taking part in the eBay Mummy Blogger Challenge on Facebook. Kate's Blog would like to tell eBay to get lost and leave them to talk through their recent split in peace.