Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Blog Gems - Trouble in Paradise
Blog Gem time. Funny how all these posts from a year ago could have been written today...
A couple of years ago my sister and I started writing occasional features for the Irish Independent newspaper. Most of the pieces are just lighthearted looks about whatever is going on in our lives at the time. But it was one such piece that got her into trouble.
It was coming up to Valentine's Day and, if I remember correctly her article was titled 'Thinking of moving in with your boyfriend this Valentines? Well Think Again.' Or something along those lines. It went on to list the not so great points of moving in with your other half. For some strange reason her boyfriend took offence. I can't think why. The point is we both learned an early lesson in writing publicly about your personal life - don't publish anything unless the person you're writing about has sign off.
Aaanyway.....This week Disapproving Dad and I had an argument. Now I say argument but actually it was more like a John Wayne style stand off of epic proportions. For 3 days and 3 nights we kept our silence, both confident of our partners culpability, both quietly determined not to give in. Actually it was getting slightly comical - shuffling past each other to get to the sink, making our own individual dinners - whilst the tumbleweed continued to blow throughout the house.
It only came to an end when our friends who were due for dinner on Saturday night got wind of it and refused to come unless we were actually on speaking terms.
So, as the ice thawed and we gave each other a very public display of affection Disapproving Dad asked me 'So, are you planning to run off and blog about this now?'
'As if' I replied as haughtily as I could manage 'I would do such a thing'.
A couple of years ago my sister and I started writing occasional features for the Irish Independent newspaper. Most of the pieces are just lighthearted looks about whatever is going on in our lives at the time. But it was one such piece that got her into trouble.
It was coming up to Valentine's Day and, if I remember correctly her article was titled 'Thinking of moving in with your boyfriend this Valentines? Well Think Again.' Or something along those lines. It went on to list the not so great points of moving in with your other half. For some strange reason her boyfriend took offence. I can't think why. The point is we both learned an early lesson in writing publicly about your personal life - don't publish anything unless the person you're writing about has sign off.
Aaanyway.....This week Disapproving Dad and I had an argument. Now I say argument but actually it was more like a John Wayne style stand off of epic proportions. For 3 days and 3 nights we kept our silence, both confident of our partners culpability, both quietly determined not to give in. Actually it was getting slightly comical - shuffling past each other to get to the sink, making our own individual dinners - whilst the tumbleweed continued to blow throughout the house.
It only came to an end when our friends who were due for dinner on Saturday night got wind of it and refused to come unless we were actually on speaking terms.
So, as the ice thawed and we gave each other a very public display of affection Disapproving Dad asked me 'So, are you planning to run off and blog about this now?'
'As if' I replied as haughtily as I could manage 'I would do such a thing'.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Other Side of Lazy Parenting. . .
The 3 year old is going though yet another, erm, 'challenging' phase.
This results in him shouting loudly at me until I unstrap him from the car and then running faster than his little fat ass should allow across whatever car park or green field is in sight.
Once caught he is picked up with a little more force than is strictly necessary whilst I discreetly grip his arm a little tighter than I probably should. All the while I'm smiling and rolling my eyes playfully at the other mums passing by. 'Isn't he a scamp' I'm saying 'Boys huh? Just love to run' blah, blah, blah. The rage bubbles on.
So today as I wrestled my boy outside the school gates he punched me in the face, for the second time this week I might add.
The sting of the blow was nothing compared to the thought of all those watching mothers knowing that I was getting my comeuppance for this:
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/the-lazy-mothers-guide-to-parenting-2915259.html
This results in him shouting loudly at me until I unstrap him from the car and then running faster than his little fat ass should allow across whatever car park or green field is in sight.
Once caught he is picked up with a little more force than is strictly necessary whilst I discreetly grip his arm a little tighter than I probably should. All the while I'm smiling and rolling my eyes playfully at the other mums passing by. 'Isn't he a scamp' I'm saying 'Boys huh? Just love to run' blah, blah, blah. The rage bubbles on.
So today as I wrestled my boy outside the school gates he punched me in the face, for the second time this week I might add.
The sting of the blow was nothing compared to the thought of all those watching mothers knowing that I was getting my comeuppance for this:
http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/the-lazy-mothers-guide-to-parenting-2915259.html
Sunday, October 23, 2011
A Special Listography!
For this weeks Listography I thought I'd do something a little different. Now be warned - I'm going to mention the C word here...
I know we haven't got passed Halloween yet but like it or not - Christmas is coming, and for all us parents that means toy buying. Now if you're anything like me your house will be already overflowing with toy:. broken toys, never played with toys, cheap toys, expensive toys, toys with bits missing, toys with sentimental value, toys you love that your kids hate, toys you hate that your kids love, the list goes on and on and on.
My biggest challenge at Christmas is finding toys that won't be discarded to the scrap heap in the playroom to sit unloved for at least a year until my next pre-Christmas clear out.
So this year I'm going to do something about it.
This weeks Listography is asking you to share your Top 5 Toys for Kids. I'm not going to go into age groups - just list your Top 5 toys of all time. Once all your lists are in I will compile the Top 10 Toys for Christmas as voted by Parent Bloggers* list and put it up here. If you want the final list to share on your own blog just come on over and take it.
To start the ball rolling here are mine:
1. Lego
Can anything beat Lego? It's the ultimate toy for me and has proved it's worth over the years. There is nothing better than hearing your kids rustling through a big box of Lego, and nothing worse than hearing that big box being turned upside down on the sitting room floor...
2. Playmobile.
As a child I spent endless days playing with my knights and damsels and my mother still after *cough* years has some left in her house, albeit a little battle worn at this stage. My children now play with their own pirate and skateboarder sets and every time I see it them with their Playmobile I get a warm fuzzy glow. And no, that's not just the gin.
3. Sylvanians
Admittedly I was anti-Sylvanians until my sister bought the 7 year old a months salary worth of the stuff. Not having to bankrupt yourself to buy it makes it all so much nicer. She now spends hours in her room playing with her little families.
4. Twistables by Crayola.
I love these things. All kids love to colour but crayons get broken, pencils end up being chucked out because you can't find a sharpener, markers get stolen by younger siblings and end up all over the walls...but Twistables are pretty much perfect.
5. Nintendo DS
Anything that allows Mum to have a coffee in peace goes onto my list.
To join in all you have to do is write your Listography post on your own blog, come back here and link it up to the linky below then leave the rest to me. I'll compile the 'Top 10 Toys for Christmas as voted by Parent Bloggers' and publish it here at the end of the week. You can also vote in the comments below (but make sure you leave a link to your blog), or on Twitter by tweeting @katetakes5 and using the hashtag #T10T.
Here's to not making any more costly mistakes this Christmas!
(*The Rules: It's all just a bit of fun but I do have a couple of rules.....1.Only Parent Bloggers can vote. 2. Each mention of a toy is deemed one point. 3. I may add to the rules as we go along!)
I know we haven't got passed Halloween yet but like it or not - Christmas is coming, and for all us parents that means toy buying. Now if you're anything like me your house will be already overflowing with toy:. broken toys, never played with toys, cheap toys, expensive toys, toys with bits missing, toys with sentimental value, toys you love that your kids hate, toys you hate that your kids love, the list goes on and on and on.
My biggest challenge at Christmas is finding toys that won't be discarded to the scrap heap in the playroom to sit unloved for at least a year until my next pre-Christmas clear out.
So this year I'm going to do something about it.
This weeks Listography is asking you to share your Top 5 Toys for Kids. I'm not going to go into age groups - just list your Top 5 toys of all time. Once all your lists are in I will compile the Top 10 Toys for Christmas as voted by Parent Bloggers* list and put it up here. If you want the final list to share on your own blog just come on over and take it.
To start the ball rolling here are mine:
1. Lego
Can anything beat Lego? It's the ultimate toy for me and has proved it's worth over the years. There is nothing better than hearing your kids rustling through a big box of Lego, and nothing worse than hearing that big box being turned upside down on the sitting room floor...
 |
| Image: http://www.digital-photography-school.com |
2. Playmobile
.As a child I spent endless days playing with my knights and damsels and my mother still after *cough* years has some left in her house, albeit a little battle worn at this stage. My children now play with their own pirate and skateboarder sets and every time I see it them with their Playmobile I get a warm fuzzy glow. And no, that's not just the gin.
 |
| Image: http://svencentral.com |
3. Sylvanians
Admittedly I was anti-Sylvanians until my sister bought the 7 year old a months salary worth of the stuff. Not having to bankrupt yourself to buy it makes it all so much nicer. She now spends hours in her room playing with her little families.
 |
| Image: http://www.sylvanianfamilies.com.au/ |
4. Twistables
by Crayola.I love these things. All kids love to colour but crayons get broken, pencils end up being chucked out because you can't find a sharpener, markers get stolen by younger siblings and end up all over the walls...but Twistables are pretty much perfect.
 |
| Image: http://www.daviddanielsphotography.com |
5. Nintendo DS
Anything that allows Mum to have a coffee in peace goes onto my list.
To join in all you have to do is write your Listography post on your own blog, come back here and link it up to the linky below then leave the rest to me. I'll compile the 'Top 10 Toys for Christmas as voted by Parent Bloggers' and publish it here at the end of the week. You can also vote in the comments below (but make sure you leave a link to your blog), or on Twitter by tweeting @katetakes5 and using the hashtag #T10T.
Here's to not making any more costly mistakes this Christmas!
(*The Rules: It's all just a bit of fun but I do have a couple of rules.....1.Only Parent Bloggers can vote. 2. Each mention of a toy is deemed one point. 3. I may add to the rules as we go along!)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Colonel Gaddafi is dead. Or is he...?
So Gaddafi is dead.
To be honest I don't think there will be too many tears shed around the world about that. What I want to know is how can they be sure that they've got the right man.
I mean, he has morphed before our eyes from this:
To this:
To this:
To this:
Ok that last one may not be strictly true but you never know...
So goodbye Gaddafi and here's to a more peaceful era for Libya.
And sincere apologies to Charlie Sheen, who may have done some unsavory deeds in his time but at least he was never a crushing dictator who killed countless innocents for his own political and financial gain.
I'll leave you with the words of the big O (that's Obama to you):
'Innocent civilians were detained, beaten and killed. The country's wealth was squandered and terror used as a political weapon. But one of the world's longest surving dictators is no more. A year ago the notion of a free Libya seemed impossible.'
Disclosure: The use of Charlie Sheen in this post was purely for gratuitous seo related reasons. I do not believe that Colonel Gaddafi at any point morphed into Mr. Charlie Sheen.
To be honest I don't think there will be too many tears shed around the world about that. What I want to know is how can they be sure that they've got the right man.
I mean, he has morphed before our eyes from this:
To this:
To this:
To this:
 |
| Young Charlie Sheen |
Ok that last one may not be strictly true but you never know...
So goodbye Gaddafi and here's to a more peaceful era for Libya.
And sincere apologies to Charlie Sheen, who may have done some unsavory deeds in his time but at least he was never a crushing dictator who killed countless innocents for his own political and financial gain.
I'll leave you with the words of the big O (that's Obama to you):
'Innocent civilians were detained, beaten and killed. The country's wealth was squandered and terror used as a political weapon. But one of the world's longest surving dictators is no more. A year ago the notion of a free Libya seemed impossible.'
Disclosure: The use of Charlie Sheen in this post was purely for gratuitous seo related reasons. I do not believe that Colonel Gaddafi at any point morphed into Mr. Charlie Sheen.
Blog Gems - School of Rock
Blog Gem time again...this was was first published in Sept '10. Not a lot has changed since then.
Last week I started reading 'Heavier than Heaven', Kurt Cobain's most critically acclaimed biography. It's a good read, going through over 400 interviews, medical records and unpublished journals. As Julie Burchill comments on the back 'I was in hog heaven all the way through - in a caring, wistful way of course'.
It was on one of these trips that I had 'Bleach', Nirvana's first fairly raw album, playing a little too enthusiastically when I get stuck in a line of cars turning into the quiet school road. As Kurt's voice blared out above the mangled drums and guitar and the boys were busy headbanging in the back, one of the school mothers crossing the road stood absolutely still and stared at me with what I can only describe as a 'what on earth are you thinking?' face. Of course I pretended not to notice whilst discreetly turning it down a notch or five. It was only later when I'd switched the CD to 'Nevermind' that I wondered what she would have done if In Bloom had been playing; it's opening line being 'Sell the kids for food...'.
This isn't the first time I've wondered about what music I'm listening to whilst I've got 3 pairs of little ears flapping in the wind beside me. Obviously there are some artists you just know you can't get away with (Eminem this morning kids?), but what about the ones you really love that just happen to have a few rude words peppering their album? Most of the time I just put it on and hope the kids won't pick up on it. Like when the Libertines sing 'I Get Along' ('I get along singing my song, people tell me I'm wrong.....F**k 'em'). Bad mother? Maybe. But what if I tell you I sing very loudly and out of tune over the bad bits? La la la la la....
Wonder what school mum would have made of that.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Easiest Halloween Decorations Ever - starring. . . . Scotch Restickable Tabs!
I've been seriously slacking in the arts and crafts area for the past few months. I chucked out most of the kids' paint, glue, glitter, random pictures and various other arty stuff because I was so sick of spending hours clearing up the mess following a 3 minute art session.
So last week when I was asked whether I would like to review Scotch Restickable Tabs - 'perfect for creating the ultimate haunted house and sticking up spooky decorations' I felt a little pang of guilt and thought it would be the perfect excuse to get the kids crafting again.
I had visions of creating the likes of this:
And this:
Or even this:
But then Reality hit me over the head with her broom and we ended up with these:
So how did we create this incredible masterpiece I hear you ask....
Well all you need is:
And now I'll hand you over to my helper and the rather dissatisfied birthday boy.
Eh voila.
The Scotch Restickable Tabs worked really well - they're like double sided sticky tape made of gel. They stick well, can re-stick without issue (which is handy when young kids are involved) and you can wash and reuse them should you wish. My only suggestion would be that they make the actual tabs smaller as we ended up cutting up nearly all of our to make them go further.
All in all a good, easy to use product. You can find out more about it here.
Leave me a link or a comment if you have any other great Halloween craft ideas (though of course mine will be hard to beat...)
Disclosure: This is a sponsored post but all views held are my own.
So last week when I was asked whether I would like to review Scotch Restickable Tabs - 'perfect for creating the ultimate haunted house and sticking up spooky decorations' I felt a little pang of guilt and thought it would be the perfect excuse to get the kids crafting again.
I had visions of creating the likes of this:
 |
| Image source: Here |
And this:
 |
| Image Source: Country Living |
Or even this:
 |
| Image Source : Here |
But then Reality hit me over the head with her broom and we ended up with these:
 |
| Yes that is a birthday banner stuck up with Scotch Tabs.. |
So how did we create this incredible masterpiece I hear you ask....
Well all you need is:
- Black card
- Orange card
- Scotch Restickable Tabs
- Scissors
And now I'll hand you over to my helper and the rather dissatisfied birthday boy.
Eh voila.
The Scotch Restickable Tabs worked really well - they're like double sided sticky tape made of gel. They stick well, can re-stick without issue (which is handy when young kids are involved) and you can wash and reuse them should you wish. My only suggestion would be that they make the actual tabs smaller as we ended up cutting up nearly all of our to make them go further.
All in all a good, easy to use product. You can find out more about it here.
Leave me a link or a comment if you have any other great Halloween craft ideas (though of course mine will be hard to beat...)
Disclosure: This is a sponsored post but all views held are my own.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Listography - Top 5 Keyword Searches on Your Blog
It has to be said I've been a little slack on the Listography front lately.
The past few weeks I don't seem to have managed to make it through everyone's lists and shamefully have only left comments on the first half of the linky entrants. *Hangs head in disgrace* So this week I promise to make amends and read and comment on every single one.
To make it even better I've got a lovely little Listography for you all that shouldn't test the brain cells too much - Top 5 Keyword Searches on your Blog.
I'm thrilled with this one as I always take a keen interest in how people found my posts and all the weird and wonderful questions folk type into Google.
So my Top 5 Keyword Searches of all time (excluding blog name are):
1. Peas.
Who'd have thunk it. This little post has been my biggest generator of traffic from random searches on Google. Bizarrio.
2. Naked Blondes.
I've disappointed a hell of a lot of young men with this one.
3. Listography.
Well I should think so too!
4. Chewbacca.
I bet all you Star Wars fans were just thrilled to stumble onto my little blog.
5. Off Switch.
Weird huh?
My next post is going to be about the time Chewbacca was caught in bed eating peas with some naked blondes before turning out the light with the off switch.
So please link up your top keyword searches by writing your post on your own blog and then coming back here to put your details in the Linky below.
This is gonna be a good un!
PS. My all time favourite keyword search that came up on my blog was 'Ireland is f*cked'. I'm so proud!
PPS. To find your top keywords on Blogger go to Stats - All time - Traffic Sources - and then scroll down. On Wordpress go to Dashboard - Site Stats - Search Engine Terms - This Week - All Time.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Lessons in Speech Therapy: How to improve your child's speech
So last Friday I wrote about my youngest son starting Group Speech Therapy.
Quite a few of you voiced concerns about your own children's speech developement and were interested to know how I got on so I thought it would be useful to share the main tips and tricks I've learned so far.
So, my top tips for speech developments are:
1. Make them choose.
Always offer a choice, even when the answer is obvious. For example Do you want the apple or the biscuit? Do you want water or blackcurrent? Do you want lentils or Super Noodles. (Obviously mine always choose the apple, water, lentils). Make your child say which one they want rather than allowing them to point.
2. From one word to two.
Gradually increase their word count, eg. Do you want the green apple or the brown biscuit, etc.
3. Don't mind their manners.
Don't focus too much on 'please' and 'thank you' as you want to develop your childs knowledge of words and how to say them, not just always focusing on a couple of mannerly phrases.
4. Nouns to Verbs.
As parents we tend to focus on the nouns. 'I'm picking up the ball...Can you say ball?' or 'I'm washing my hands...Can you say hands?'. That's all well and good but as your child develops we need to focus on the action words too ie 'I'm picking up the ball' or 'I'm washing my hands'. The more they hear these words the easier it is for them to repeat them, so constantly point to and repeat action words in books or even just as you go about your daily business.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Repeating words constantly for your child to hear is very important, as is getting them to repeat the words themselves. It doesn't have to be perfect - as long as they're trying that's good enough.
So that's it for the moment - hope it helps. Would love to know if you try any of them out and how you get on.
Quite a few of you voiced concerns about your own children's speech developement and were interested to know how I got on so I thought it would be useful to share the main tips and tricks I've learned so far.
So, my top tips for speech developments are:
1. Make them choose.
Always offer a choice, even when the answer is obvious. For example Do you want the apple or the biscuit? Do you want water or blackcurrent? Do you want lentils or Super Noodles. (Obviously mine always choose the apple, water, lentils). Make your child say which one they want rather than allowing them to point.
2. From one word to two.
Gradually increase their word count, eg. Do you want the green apple or the brown biscuit, etc.
3. Don't mind their manners.
Don't focus too much on 'please' and 'thank you' as you want to develop your childs knowledge of words and how to say them, not just always focusing on a couple of mannerly phrases.
4. Nouns to Verbs.
As parents we tend to focus on the nouns. 'I'm picking up the ball...Can you say ball?' or 'I'm washing my hands...Can you say hands?'. That's all well and good but as your child develops we need to focus on the action words too ie 'I'm picking up the ball' or 'I'm washing my hands'. The more they hear these words the easier it is for them to repeat them, so constantly point to and repeat action words in books or even just as you go about your daily business.
5. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Repeating words constantly for your child to hear is very important, as is getting them to repeat the words themselves. It doesn't have to be perfect - as long as they're trying that's good enough.
So that's it for the moment - hope it helps. Would love to know if you try any of them out and how you get on.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Lesson in American Terms
When I was almost 18 I spent a Summer working and staying in America with Frank, a good friend of my fathers.
This lovely man had opened his house and workplace first to my brother the year before and now to me. It was a great experience and I was fully immersed in American culture for 3 whole months. One evening as we stood chatting in the kitchen - no doubt eating Pretzels and watching the Vikings on TV - we somehow got onto the subject of hobbies and collecting things.
'So did you ever collect anything when you were in school?' he asked
'I can't really remember' I pondered for a moment before the memories of primary school came flooding back 'Oh yes I did actually! Fancy Paper and Rubbers!'
Frank nearly spat his root beer all over the table before collecting himself and looking rather embarrassed. After a few agonising moments we finally worked out that the correct American term was 'Erasers'. So no - for the record this 10 year old girl did NOT collect condoms along with her Fancy Paper (and btw 'Fancy Paper'? WTF?).
Anyway, this all came back to me when the lovely Ben of Esdevium Games contacted me to see if I wanted to do a review of some fun and colourful rubbers, I mean erasers. Naturally considering my affinity to them in the past I had to agree.
Unfortunately though I don't seem to have learned my lesson and have passed on the potentially life damaging term to my daughter:
(Note how I 'ordered' them and 'bought' them. Sorry Ben - you get no credit here I need the brownie points)
Now being a rubber fan I may be biased but I love these Iwako erasers. There's a huge array of types...
Some of them even come apart:
So they all picked out their favourites and then headed off to school to dish the rest out to their classmates.
The iwako erasers retail at £1 each and are sold through Waterstones, Toys R us, Game, WH Smith and more. They are also non-toxic and environmentally friendly. I think they'd make great stocking fillers or going home presents for parties. Darn it - maybe I should have kept them all!
Disclosure: Esdevium Games sent me the erasers, I wrote the review, no money changed hands :)
This lovely man had opened his house and workplace first to my brother the year before and now to me. It was a great experience and I was fully immersed in American culture for 3 whole months. One evening as we stood chatting in the kitchen - no doubt eating Pretzels and watching the Vikings on TV - we somehow got onto the subject of hobbies and collecting things.
'So did you ever collect anything when you were in school?' he asked
'I can't really remember' I pondered for a moment before the memories of primary school came flooding back 'Oh yes I did actually! Fancy Paper and Rubbers!'
Frank nearly spat his root beer all over the table before collecting himself and looking rather embarrassed. After a few agonising moments we finally worked out that the correct American term was 'Erasers'. So no - for the record this 10 year old girl did NOT collect condoms along with her Fancy Paper (and btw 'Fancy Paper'? WTF?).
Anyway, this all came back to me when the lovely Ben of Esdevium Games contacted me to see if I wanted to do a review of some fun and colourful rubbers, I mean erasers. Naturally considering my affinity to them in the past I had to agree.
Unfortunately though I don't seem to have learned my lesson and have passed on the potentially life damaging term to my daughter:
(Note how I 'ordered' them and 'bought' them. Sorry Ben - you get no credit here I need the brownie points)
Now being a rubber fan I may be biased but I love these Iwako erasers. There's a huge array of types...
 |
| Iwako Koala |
 |
| Iwako Giraffe and Bear |
 |
| Iwako Fish |
So they all picked out their favourites and then headed off to school to dish the rest out to their classmates.
The iwako erasers retail at £1 each and are sold through Waterstones, Toys R us, Game, WH Smith and more. They are also non-toxic and environmentally friendly. I think they'd make great stocking fillers or going home presents for parties. Darn it - maybe I should have kept them all!
Disclosure: Esdevium Games sent me the erasers, I wrote the review, no money changed hands :)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Conundrum of the Too Tight Jeans
So yesterday was pretty depressing.
I was late up which meant I spent the hour before the school run racing around making lunches, dressing kids, wiping up weetabix, finding shoes....you know - the usual. Finishing all my chores I had about five minutes left to get myself dressed so threw on a pair of jeans and a...hang on a sec....these jeans don't seem to fit me...that's odd, I'm sure I had them on the other day...
Not having time to work out the Conundrum of the Too Tight Jeans I instead whipped them off and picked another pair from the cupboard. Putting them on as I should have been heading out the door I realised, to my dismay let me tell you, that these jeans did not fit either. There was not one but two rolls of fat hanging over the waistband that was about to cut off the circulation to my stomach (in hindsight maybe not such a bad thing). So the conundrum was solved - there was no conundrum, just flab.
Disgusted I threw the second pair of jeans on the floor and put on my ever-stretchy-wait-'til-you-hear-this-Northernmum - jeggings. Oh yeah baby.
And off I went.
Now, I'm not writing this for the 'shut up you're not fat' comments. I'm just writing it to say I can't fit into my jeans anymore and it's pissing me off. I'm also writing it to say that I'm allowed to moan about my two-pack tummy looking like the 'belly gonna get you' ad without people throwing things at me and rolling their eyes. Stop rolling your eyes.
I told my sister this evening about my jeans story and the glee in her face was palpable. 'You're getting fat again' said her eyes, 'Ha ha ha' they said, 'about time too'.
Next time that girl comes 'round here I'm gonna belly slam her to the floor. Now that'll show her.
I was late up which meant I spent the hour before the school run racing around making lunches, dressing kids, wiping up weetabix, finding shoes....you know - the usual. Finishing all my chores I had about five minutes left to get myself dressed so threw on a pair of jeans and a...hang on a sec....these jeans don't seem to fit me...that's odd, I'm sure I had them on the other day...
Not having time to work out the Conundrum of the Too Tight Jeans I instead whipped them off and picked another pair from the cupboard. Putting them on as I should have been heading out the door I realised, to my dismay let me tell you, that these jeans did not fit either. There was not one but two rolls of fat hanging over the waistband that was about to cut off the circulation to my stomach (in hindsight maybe not such a bad thing). So the conundrum was solved - there was no conundrum, just flab.
Disgusted I threw the second pair of jeans on the floor and put on my ever-stretchy-wait-'til-you-hear-this-Northernmum - jeggings. Oh yeah baby.
And off I went.
Now, I'm not writing this for the 'shut up you're not fat' comments. I'm just writing it to say I can't fit into my jeans anymore and it's pissing me off. I'm also writing it to say that I'm allowed to moan about my two-pack tummy looking like the 'belly gonna get you' ad without people throwing things at me and rolling their eyes. Stop rolling your eyes.
I told my sister this evening about my jeans story and the glee in her face was palpable. 'You're getting fat again' said her eyes, 'Ha ha ha' they said, 'about time too'.
Next time that girl comes 'round here I'm gonna belly slam her to the floor. Now that'll show her.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Please help the poor . . . . people who are subjected to this crap.
Dear Janis Nazarovs,
You just couldn't let it lie could you?
Didn't you notice that I ignored your first mail? And then I ignored the second (identical) mail, then the third, the forth, the fifth, the sixth and then it seems I understandably lost count.
Perhaps you did too as the mails didn't stop. 'Please help the poor' you said, 'here's my bank account' you said. To be honest I didn't even read most of the sob story inbetween because I, like thousands of other people that ignored your mails, have a brain and am smart enough to use it.
What about the folk that aren't used to receiving this sort of crap though? What about the old people who use their computer as their life line and suddenly receive this desperate message asking for help?
Well that's who you depend on for your scams don't you?
So Janis, or Juris, or Delboy or whatever your name is. Please, please show a little kindness and stop sending me your shit.
Thanks and regards,
Kate
You just couldn't let it lie could you?
Didn't you notice that I ignored your first mail? And then I ignored the second (identical) mail, then the third, the forth, the fifth, the sixth and then it seems I understandably lost count.
Perhaps you did too as the mails didn't stop. 'Please help the poor' you said, 'here's my bank account' you said. To be honest I didn't even read most of the sob story inbetween because I, like thousands of other people that ignored your mails, have a brain and am smart enough to use it.
What about the folk that aren't used to receiving this sort of crap though? What about the old people who use their computer as their life line and suddenly receive this desperate message asking for help?
Well that's who you depend on for your scams don't you?
So Janis, or Juris, or Delboy or whatever your name is. Please, please show a little kindness and stop sending me your shit.
Thanks and regards,
Kate
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Listography - A date with Typecast
So me and Ms. Nickie Typecast were chatting the other day. And somehow the conversation went from The Breakfast Club, to the MADs, to my disastrous Debs date of the 1990's (typical Nickie conversation really).
It wasn't really that disastrous, it was just that I'd been working all summer in the States and by the time I got home for the Debs all the good 'uns had been already snatched up. So I resorted to sitting in a pub whilst my friends threw out names to me of possible candidates. Finally someone mentioned someone whose name a) I recognised, b) didn't make me come out in a rash, and c) I hadn't had 'a situation' with before. It took a while let me tell you.
So I asked the guy, he accepted, Cinderalla did go to the ball, and Prince Charming turned out to be not so charming and if I remember correctly spent the night chatting up someone else. (I wasn't interested in him you understand - it was purely a matter of manners. Though I've just had a look through the old debs photos and I've got to say I can't really blame him. This was pre-GHD's after all).
Anyhoo....whilst shootin' the breeze about bad dates of the past Nickie and I decided that really it would be rude not to do a Listography on the subject. And what better person to host it than Ms. Typecast herself.
So head on over and read about her Top 5 Worst Dates Ever, I can assure you it will be, erm, interesting to say the least.
And after that you too can relive the horrors of your past by joining in. In no time at all you'll be gazing lovingly at your partner picking the dirt out of his toes across the sofa and thanking God for your lucky escapes.
It wasn't really that disastrous, it was just that I'd been working all summer in the States and by the time I got home for the Debs all the good 'uns had been already snatched up. So I resorted to sitting in a pub whilst my friends threw out names to me of possible candidates. Finally someone mentioned someone whose name a) I recognised, b) didn't make me come out in a rash, and c) I hadn't had 'a situation' with before. It took a while let me tell you.
So I asked the guy, he accepted, Cinderalla did go to the ball, and Prince Charming turned out to be not so charming and if I remember correctly spent the night chatting up someone else. (I wasn't interested in him you understand - it was purely a matter of manners. Though I've just had a look through the old debs photos and I've got to say I can't really blame him. This was pre-GHD's after all).
Anyhoo....whilst shootin' the breeze about bad dates of the past Nickie and I decided that really it would be rude not to do a Listography on the subject. And what better person to host it than Ms. Typecast herself.
So head on over and read about her Top 5 Worst Dates Ever, I can assure you it will be, erm, interesting to say the least.
And after that you too can relive the horrors of your past by joining in. In no time at all you'll be gazing lovingly at your partner picking the dirt out of his toes across the sofa and thanking God for your lucky escapes.
Friday, October 7, 2011
That boy needs therapy.
This morning my (almost) three year old starts Group Therapy.
No really.
Well, group speech therapy to be exact, but I'm hoping they'll touch on the other stuff too. I think it's about time the boy faces up to those sudden tearful episodes he has in the middle of the day and why he thinks the world should revolve around him.
Perhaps he just needs to delve into his past traumas, such as the time his mother only gave him a 6oz bottle instead of a 9oz one for his afternoon nap, or why she always grabs a camera and starts laughing everytime he has a meltdown. Serious shit obviously.
Anyway, I've written before about how he managed to finally progress from 'ugh, ugh, ugh' to his first words of 'Oh yeah baby', but since then he's managed to add a few more similarly spectacularly useful phrases to his collection. Delights such as 'Harry Potter' (pronounced only in a Japanese accent: Ha-ree Pot-ah) and 'Follow that car' (only he says 'follow a car' which I'm sure you'll agree doesn't really have the same sense of urgency to it.)
So I have high hopes that these youngters can teach each other a thing or two.
Although now that I think about it - if they do all end up swapping phrases I'm not sure how happy the other parents are going to be....
 |
| Image courtesy of www.upledger.co.uk |
No really.
Well, group speech therapy to be exact, but I'm hoping they'll touch on the other stuff too. I think it's about time the boy faces up to those sudden tearful episodes he has in the middle of the day and why he thinks the world should revolve around him.
Perhaps he just needs to delve into his past traumas, such as the time his mother only gave him a 6oz bottle instead of a 9oz one for his afternoon nap, or why she always grabs a camera and starts laughing everytime he has a meltdown. Serious shit obviously.
Anyway, I've written before about how he managed to finally progress from 'ugh, ugh, ugh' to his first words of 'Oh yeah baby', but since then he's managed to add a few more similarly spectacularly useful phrases to his collection. Delights such as 'Harry Potter' (pronounced only in a Japanese accent: Ha-ree Pot-ah) and 'Follow that car' (only he says 'follow a car' which I'm sure you'll agree doesn't really have the same sense of urgency to it.)
So I have high hopes that these youngters can teach each other a thing or two.
Although now that I think about it - if they do all end up swapping phrases I'm not sure how happy the other parents are going to be....
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Blog Gems: Is it 'cause I is Irish?
Time for another Blog Gem.
This post was originally written by me or my 4th day of blogging and got - wait for it - zero comments.
It would be really nice if it could beat that this time around :)
Last Sunday morning as Disapproving Dad and I sat at the kitchen table nursing hangovers and two precious solpadine, I had a moment of reckless abandon.
'Shall we give up drink for the rest of September?' I asked.
Disapproving Dad looked at me, and with the seriousness that is normally reserved for a question more along the lines of 'So, are you ready to switch off your wife's life support machine?' nodded his head slowly.
And so began our 'dry run'.
To be honest the week that followed wasn't too testing. Whereas usually we would work our way through a couple of midweek reds we instead sipped peppermint tea and smiled smuggly at each other. Then Friday rolled around.
The first call came from my sister. 'Watcha doing tonight then? Shall I pop over with a bottle?' With immense dedication to the cause I explained that she was welcome to come over but that we weren't drinking for the rest of the month. There was a significant pause before she spoke.
'Eugh. See you in October' she said, clearly disgusted, before hanging up on me.
A little later the phone rang again.
'It's just not the same' Disapproving Dad whined before I even had a chance to say hello. Once again my steely resolve held. 'No, no, no, no, no. We are not drinking tonight'.
He too hung up.
So Friday night came and went, if somewhat dull and boringly. But at least we had stuck to our plan. We woke up on Saturday morning refreshed and headache free. What a revelation! This is how it was going to be in future. Well done us!
As the day drew to a close and another long dreary evening stretched ahead I asked Disapproving Dad how he wanted his steak that night.
'Drenched in booze' he replied without looking up.
'O God, me too' I said. There was a 5 second pause.
'Red or white?' he asked as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
Incidentally, on searching for a 'hungover' picture on Google I came across this one on Hot Glove, aptly named, 'this picture is fucking with my brain'.
This post was originally written by me or my 4th day of blogging and got - wait for it - zero comments.
It would be really nice if it could beat that this time around :)
Last Sunday morning as Disapproving Dad and I sat at the kitchen table nursing hangovers and two precious solpadine, I had a moment of reckless abandon.
'Shall we give up drink for the rest of September?' I asked.
Disapproving Dad looked at me, and with the seriousness that is normally reserved for a question more along the lines of 'So, are you ready to switch off your wife's life support machine?' nodded his head slowly.
And so began our 'dry run'.
To be honest the week that followed wasn't too testing. Whereas usually we would work our way through a couple of midweek reds we instead sipped peppermint tea and smiled smuggly at each other. Then Friday rolled around.
The first call came from my sister. 'Watcha doing tonight then? Shall I pop over with a bottle?' With immense dedication to the cause I explained that she was welcome to come over but that we weren't drinking for the rest of the month. There was a significant pause before she spoke.
'Eugh. See you in October' she said, clearly disgusted, before hanging up on me.
A little later the phone rang again.
'It's just not the same' Disapproving Dad whined before I even had a chance to say hello. Once again my steely resolve held. 'No, no, no, no, no. We are not drinking tonight'.
He too hung up.
So Friday night came and went, if somewhat dull and boringly. But at least we had stuck to our plan. We woke up on Saturday morning refreshed and headache free. What a revelation! This is how it was going to be in future. Well done us!
As the day drew to a close and another long dreary evening stretched ahead I asked Disapproving Dad how he wanted his steak that night.
'Drenched in booze' he replied without looking up.
'O God, me too' I said. There was a 5 second pause.
'Red or white?' he asked as he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
Incidentally, on searching for a 'hungover' picture on Google I came across this one on Hot Glove, aptly named, 'this picture is fucking with my brain'.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Little Legacy: An unexpected find.
Today I'm going to go all sentimental and join in with Alexander Residence's Little Legacy meme.
It's just the most gorgeous idea for a linky and her posts are so beautiful...in fact I order you to go over there right now and have a read of her latest one about finding an old birthday card that her beloved mother had written to her.
It's hard to sum up a person in one blog post - least of all my Dad.
He was born and brought up in Belfast, one of a family of thirteen who saw more than their fair share of hardships. They had little in monetary terms but buckets of brains.
Dad was lucky to get a good education, move to England, meet my mother and eventually move back to Ireland. By the time I was aware of his existence he had worked his way up to be a Professor of Law, and Director of Training in the Law Society of Ireland. Not bad for a boy from the wrong side of the tracks.
He was a true intellectual my Dad, which made his demise into Parkinsons and Dementia all the more poignant. He accepted it all with true grace though and held on to his humour to the very end, which came almost two years ago.
The other week I took a book out of my overpacked bookcase to lend to my mother. It was The Great Gatsby by my all time favourite author F.Scott Fitzgerald.
On opening it I unexpectedly found this:
Katie, You're at an age when this is the perfect novel. It'll be nice to remember how much you enjoyed it then when you re-read it in later life - and enjoy it again. Love from Dad. 28th May 1993.
My very own Little Legacy to pass on. Thanks Dad. x
It's just the most gorgeous idea for a linky and her posts are so beautiful...in fact I order you to go over there right now and have a read of her latest one about finding an old birthday card that her beloved mother had written to her.
It's hard to sum up a person in one blog post - least of all my Dad.
He was born and brought up in Belfast, one of a family of thirteen who saw more than their fair share of hardships. They had little in monetary terms but buckets of brains.
Dad was lucky to get a good education, move to England, meet my mother and eventually move back to Ireland. By the time I was aware of his existence he had worked his way up to be a Professor of Law, and Director of Training in the Law Society of Ireland. Not bad for a boy from the wrong side of the tracks.
He was a true intellectual my Dad, which made his demise into Parkinsons and Dementia all the more poignant. He accepted it all with true grace though and held on to his humour to the very end, which came almost two years ago.
The other week I took a book out of my overpacked bookcase to lend to my mother. It was The Great Gatsby by my all time favourite author F.Scott Fitzgerald.
On opening it I unexpectedly found this:
Katie, You're at an age when this is the perfect novel. It'll be nice to remember how much you enjoyed it then when you re-read it in later life - and enjoy it again. Love from Dad. 28th May 1993.
My very own Little Legacy to pass on. Thanks Dad. x
Monday, October 3, 2011
Do you short-change your kids on their food?
Otherwise titled 'Hurry up and finish those Super Noodles the lobster's nearly ready'.
We're a foodie family. Talk about it, read about it, cook it, eat it, love it. I've always been rather smug about our cooking from scratch ethos and have enjoyed becoming a better cook following years and years of forced practice.
Problem is my kids have been missing out.
Whilst I've been kidding myself that we're all healthy eaters I've suddenly realised that we are, but they're not.
This week their dinners have included cheesy pasta, cheesy 'special' pasta (that would be tortellini for anyone who's not in this family), pizza, and chicken nuggets and chips (homemade - phew!).
Meanwhile my husband and I have been eating coq au vin, fajhitas, Sicilian tuna linguine and chilli con carne.
So it seems I better hang on to my napkin to wipe that smug smile off my face and get down to some child friendly cooking.
Suggestions anyone?
We're a foodie family. Talk about it, read about it, cook it, eat it, love it. I've always been rather smug about our cooking from scratch ethos and have enjoyed becoming a better cook following years and years of forced practice.
Problem is my kids have been missing out.
Whilst I've been kidding myself that we're all healthy eaters I've suddenly realised that we are, but they're not.
This week their dinners have included cheesy pasta, cheesy 'special' pasta (that would be tortellini for anyone who's not in this family), pizza, and chicken nuggets and chips (homemade - phew!).
Meanwhile my husband and I have been eating coq au vin, fajhitas, Sicilian tuna linguine and chilli con carne.
So it seems I better hang on to my napkin to wipe that smug smile off my face and get down to some child friendly cooking.
Suggestions anyone?
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Listography - Top 5 Worst Jobs I've done
Or if you'd rather - 'Bottom 5 Jobs I've Done.'
This weeks Listography is inspired by a story my good friend Emma told me yesterday called her 'I Am A Very Hairy Man' story. It involves chamber-maiding, a hoover and well, a very hairy man. Remind me to tell it to you sometime.
Anyway, I'm quite sure none of my worst jobs will live up to that experience *shudder*, but here they are anyway:
1. Washer-upper.
Working in a local pub \ restaurant wiping the slops off plate after plate of leftover dinners. I did it a couple of evenings a week whilst I was still in school and would be depressed for the whole day running up to it. Eventually I worked my way up to the dizzy heights of 'Dessert Chef' and then the holy grail of Waitress. And then I was fired for my 'attitude'. Attitude? What attitude? Well FUCK YOU Mr. Spendless.
2. Very Bad Waitress, Malta
I should have known not to enter into the catering industry after my last fiasco but the options are few and far between when you've only got a holiday visa and are in an unknown country for three months. The name of the place was Snoopy's which will give you a good indication of the calibre of the joint. Unfortunately the owner thought he was running The Ritz and expected his poorly paid, illegal staff to pull out all the stops. On one of his visits to ensure we were adequately slaving away he stopped me and mentioned that I wasn't actually a very good waitress and would have to improve if I wanted to keep my job. Desperate to impress I mumbled in agreement and then watched him walk down the wooden stair case to the floor below. 'Best get on with it then' I thought to my self and started vigorously wiping down one of the tables. Which is how I managed to knock the large bottle of ketchup off the table, over the balcony and watched it smash at said owners feet. I am forever in debt to the lovely English girl who rushed down the stairs and into his furious face apologising for her mistake. Phew.
3. Technical Support, Dublin.
My first 'proper' job. Having been trained for about three weeks I still knew no more than my first day there. I had no idea what the difference between the EPROM and the Flash Memory was, whether a Kilobyte was bigger than a Megabyte or what to do when a motherboard blew up. On my first week on the phones a man called up needing to be talked through fitting his new memory inside his base unit. With my Team Leader listening in and guiding me through we were making progress, albeit slow. After about an hour the man understandably lost his patience saying 'Look, I haven't got all day here, could you just put me directly onto the guy who's talking you through all this?' I handed my headset over. The shame.
4. Fruit picking, Australia.
Sounds romantic doesn't it. Well it aint. It's bloody awful. 6am starts, back breaking work in the hot sun, and weeks of living solely off asparagus, tomatoes, cherries or whatever it was that you were plucking from the ground or branch. At the end of about three years hard labour you were handed a purse with five gold coins, four of which the farmer then took back for bed and board.
5. Norwich Union, Bristol.
I actually a had a few great jobs inbetween all these - in fact I went from earning a fortune and living in Knightsbridge to earning a pittance and living in Bristol via some time out in Thailand (or as the Irish like to say Thigh-land). Bristol was a stop gap before heading off on our next jaunt to New Zealand which would be our last big trip before coming home to settle for 'awhile' in Ireland (that was about 10 years ago now). Anyway, when my boss in Norwich Union found out what I had been previously doing in London she looked at me aghast. 'But what the hell are you doing here?' she asked. I couldn't really answer that question and shortly after handed in my notice. I still love Bristol mind, just not if I have to work in Norwich Union.
Right, that's my trip down memory lane. All good character building stuff I'm sure you'll agree. In fact I've been training my own kids for when their turn comes.
This weeks Listography is inspired by a story my good friend Emma told me yesterday called her 'I Am A Very Hairy Man' story. It involves chamber-maiding, a hoover and well, a very hairy man. Remind me to tell it to you sometime.
Anyway, I'm quite sure none of my worst jobs will live up to that experience *shudder*, but here they are anyway:
1. Washer-upper.
Working in a local pub \ restaurant wiping the slops off plate after plate of leftover dinners. I did it a couple of evenings a week whilst I was still in school and would be depressed for the whole day running up to it. Eventually I worked my way up to the dizzy heights of 'Dessert Chef' and then the holy grail of Waitress. And then I was fired for my 'attitude'. Attitude? What attitude? Well FUCK YOU Mr. Spendless.
2. Very Bad Waitress, Malta
I should have known not to enter into the catering industry after my last fiasco but the options are few and far between when you've only got a holiday visa and are in an unknown country for three months. The name of the place was Snoopy's which will give you a good indication of the calibre of the joint. Unfortunately the owner thought he was running The Ritz and expected his poorly paid, illegal staff to pull out all the stops. On one of his visits to ensure we were adequately slaving away he stopped me and mentioned that I wasn't actually a very good waitress and would have to improve if I wanted to keep my job. Desperate to impress I mumbled in agreement and then watched him walk down the wooden stair case to the floor below. 'Best get on with it then' I thought to my self and started vigorously wiping down one of the tables. Which is how I managed to knock the large bottle of ketchup off the table, over the balcony and watched it smash at said owners feet. I am forever in debt to the lovely English girl who rushed down the stairs and into his furious face apologising for her mistake. Phew.
3. Technical Support, Dublin.
My first 'proper' job. Having been trained for about three weeks I still knew no more than my first day there. I had no idea what the difference between the EPROM and the Flash Memory was, whether a Kilobyte was bigger than a Megabyte or what to do when a motherboard blew up. On my first week on the phones a man called up needing to be talked through fitting his new memory inside his base unit. With my Team Leader listening in and guiding me through we were making progress, albeit slow. After about an hour the man understandably lost his patience saying 'Look, I haven't got all day here, could you just put me directly onto the guy who's talking you through all this?' I handed my headset over. The shame.
4. Fruit picking, Australia.
Sounds romantic doesn't it. Well it aint. It's bloody awful. 6am starts, back breaking work in the hot sun, and weeks of living solely off asparagus, tomatoes, cherries or whatever it was that you were plucking from the ground or branch. At the end of about three years hard labour you were handed a purse with five gold coins, four of which the farmer then took back for bed and board.
5. Norwich Union, Bristol.
I actually a had a few great jobs inbetween all these - in fact I went from earning a fortune and living in Knightsbridge to earning a pittance and living in Bristol via some time out in Thailand (or as the Irish like to say Thigh-land). Bristol was a stop gap before heading off on our next jaunt to New Zealand which would be our last big trip before coming home to settle for 'awhile' in Ireland (that was about 10 years ago now). Anyway, when my boss in Norwich Union found out what I had been previously doing in London she looked at me aghast. 'But what the hell are you doing here?' she asked. I couldn't really answer that question and shortly after handed in my notice. I still love Bristol mind, just not if I have to work in Norwich Union.
Right, that's my trip down memory lane. All good character building stuff I'm sure you'll agree. In fact I've been training my own kids for when their turn comes.
Now it's your turn. I bet you can't beat the I'm A Very Hairy Man story but I'd like to see you try. I may even reveal it in it's entirety next week (if I'm allowed).
You can link up in the linky below, or if you're new here take a look at the Listography tab at the top of the page. And don't forget to share the love by visiting some of the other entries.
Now off you go and finish scrubbing those toilets.
You can link up in the linky below, or if you're new here take a look at the Listography tab at the top of the page. And don't forget to share the love by visiting some of the other entries.
Now off you go and finish scrubbing those toilets.
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